Sometimes in the dark of the night, I visit my conscience to see if it is still breathing,
for its dying a slow death
Every day.
When I pay for a meal in a fancy place,
an amount which is perhaps the monthly income of the guard who holds the door open,
And quickly I shrug away that thought.
It dies a little
When I buy vegetables from the vendor,
And his son “chhotu” smilingly weighs the potatoes. Chhotu, a small child, who should be studying at school. I look the other way.
It dies a little.
When I am decked up in a designer dress…
A dress that cost a bomb, And I see a woman at the crossing in tatters, trying unsuccessfully to save her dignity,
And I immediately roll up my window.
It dies a little.
When I buy expensive gifts for my children.
I see half clad children with empty stomach and hungry eyes selling things at the red light. I try to save my conscience by buying some.
Yet, it dies a little.
When my sick maid sends her daughter to work, making her bunk school. I know I should tell her to go back. But, I look at the loaded sink and dirty dishes.And I tell myself that it’s just for a couple of days.
It dies a little.
When I give my son the freedom to come home late from a party. And yet, when my daughter asks, I tell her it is not safe. I raise my voice when she questions “why?”
It dies a little.
When I hear about a rape or a murder of a child, I feel sad. Yet, a little thankful that it’s not my child. I can not look at myself in the mirror.
It dies a little.
When people fight over caste creed and religion. I feel hurt and helpless. I tell myself that my country is going to the dogs. I blame the corrupt politicians. Absolving myself of all responsibilities.
It dies a little.
When my city is choked. Breathing is dangerous in the smog ridden Cities.
I take my car to work daily. Not taking the metro…not trying car pool. One car won’t make a difference, I think.
It dies a little.
So when in the dark of the night I visit my conscience And find it still breathing.
I am surprised for, with my own hands…
Daily, bit by bit, I bury it.

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